Breaking dating violence cycle

09-Jul-2020 18:03 by 3 Comments

Breaking dating violence cycle

A year ago, during an argument late one night, Nick picked Steph up and threw her out of bed.

At a local men’s behaviour change program, Nick and the other men in the group were astonished to learn that in the eyes of the law, verbal, emotional, psychological and even financial abuse count as domestic violence.One of these signs alone might not be enough to create suspicions, however if several of these appear together or if there seems to be signs of physical abuse, it should be investigated further. Teenage dating violence is an epidemic that can lead to a lifetime of abuse.Education and prevention programs in schools can help prevent the violence.The power and control that abusers have over their victims allow them to continue with the abuse unimpeded.Teachers, educators, parents and other adults who live and work around children have a responsibility to assist in dating violence prevention.Probably the biggest one was language— the derogatory language.’It’s those words that can hurt victims the most.

‘If I had a quid for every woman who said to me over the years, “Give me a black eye any day. It's the words that hurt, it’s the words that stay,”’ says Karen Willis, executive officer of Rape and Domestic Violence Services Australia.

‘Honestly, if you sat in a group,’ she says, ‘at some point all the women look at each other, and are like: “Have we all been married to the same guy? ” The similarities are incredible.’ The key to a perpetrator maintaining his control, says Deb Sanasi, is his victim’s isolation.

‘They may not outrightly say, “I don't want you seeing your friends, or having hobbies, or being around your parents.” But they'll just make it hard, and eventually women just decide it’s all too hard, because they don’t want the fight.

When perpetrators believe they’re being defied, they can feel like they’re losing control.

But they use the abuse—be it physical, emotional or psychological—to subjugate their partners, and regain control. You’re trying to force dominance over the other person, without a doubt,’ says Nick*, a burly man in his mid-thirties who lives just south of Melbourne with his wife Steph and their two young boys.

‘Then, if the perpetrator becomes your main frame of reference, which is what happens, then it's very much like a cult, because then you're essentially getting your main input from him.’That input, more often than not, is designed to grind down the victim’s self-esteem: petty criticisms, degrading comments, jealous accusations, and instructions on what to wear and how to behave.